It’s weird to still be figuring out how I want to send info and talk about my writing and the world around me. I’ve had some feedback that some of the newsletters have been harder to read in email or on different sites, and thank you! I’m working on cleaning up some of that.

I’m also figuring out posting schedules and how to create my world out there. This newsletter is kind of the rundown of the month and looking ahead to the next one. Patreon is where you can find my writing and support future endeavors. (Want zines from me and for me to send your reps a postcard every month? Head there.) Ko-Fi is one of the ones I’m really still trying to piece together, but if you want to really support the ongoing projects, you can offer support there.

Additionally, and this is (I hope) good news - I am almost done with a landing site for my webpage. I’m working with a local artist on putting a logo together, and I’ve even upped my social media presence and joined Threads. (I’ll do a whole separate update about how much I hate social media, I am sure. lol)

Now, the amazing stuff! And here’s where I get super personal, because what is a writing platform except to be just that. I’ve finished the first of my Salt City Queers novels! The edits that I am making at the moment round the book out and clean up typos and such. I have a few big notes to myself that ask important questions like: where is the sexual tension between my two characters and why do they only seem to talk at work? But, the truth is, the book is in a very good place and the edits aren’t overwhelming.

How does it work though? When you write a book and then want to get it published? Well friends, when you can figure it out, let me know. It would be so nice if it was: write book, get book represented, publish book, live like a Queen. Instead it is: write book, beg agents to notice you, cry a lot, beg some more, try not to day-drink when the rejections come in, cry some more, keep sending query letters, keep making edits, write the next book, keep sending query letters, cry some more, and remember that self-publishing is always an option. I mean, the big bad from X Files was really just a guy who wanted to be a writer and we saw how that turned out so ...

There is so much that goes into even the hope of publishing, and even if you are lucky enough to be picked up by a traditional publisher, you are still doing so much of the publicity work yourself. (Hence why I finally joined threads.) And you can write the next great book that should be destined for history, but if the market isn’t attracted to that book at the moment, you’re stuck. Yet, all you can do is write to your strengths and write what you want to write and remember that all of the advice in the world comes down to: follow submission guidelines, edit your books, be humble, be kind, and remember that rejections are not personal.

Rejections are the hardest part though - other than the inevitable online hate that all writers and creators are expected to face. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but online trolling eats away at the soul. But to send in a letter saying “hi, I saw you are an agent who represents my kind of work and that you also like dogs, can you read my book” is very difficult. 99% of the time, they say no and it has nothing to do with you. Nevertheless, it can lead to so much self-doubt and questioning. For me, with my last novel, it lead to me thinking I’d never write again.

My last novel, The Evidence of Damage, was something I was so proud of. I finished it in 2017 and submitted it to the Utah Novel Writing Contest and it came in second. One of the judges even said that if it had taken place in Utah and not LA, he’d have voted for it for first place. I was so thrilled. My previous novel had taken an honorable mention in that same contest a few years before and I was sure, absolutely sure, it was a sign that my work was going to get noticed. And even when the rejections rolled in, one after another, I didn’t give up. Because this was a story that mattered.

But see, by 2019, I was tired of the grind. I couldn’t even write the next book because this story I was so sure of, it wasn’t getting noticed. Pass after pass after pass. Agents telling me it was boring, or predictable, or the usual “just not a good fit.” At the same time, my activist and social battery hit a flat out zero. The job I was working was incredibly stressful, I couldn’t keep up with what needed to be done in my Queer Activism work, and in July of that year, I hit a full on wall. Somewhere there is an outline of me a-la Kool Aid Man, just crashed into bricks somewhere. I made it through Pride but then my body couldn’t do it anymore. So I walked away.

And then the Pandemic came along. Suddenly, even if I could write - which my brain felt done with - writing had both never been so important and yet not. How could I take time to write when the world was shutting down? People needed to be fed. And so, that became my world. I had a few moments - as I often do when writer's block hits me - where fanfic saved my life. Where I poured hundreds of thousands of words into characters that already existed because they were all I could tap into. And I love fanfic so much. I will talk for hours and hours about how important it is as a concept and why we need to respect the genre. (In fact, you can hear me ramble on and on about it on these podcasts: Where’s Beverly and 15 Bytes). Fanfic is, bluntly, what kept my dream of writing alive and where I turn to when my world is messy and I’m seeking original story ideas. But, as 2021 and 2022 moved along and my burnout went from casual to dumpster fire levels, I honestly wasn’t sure what I’d ever write again.

You gotta understand, I’ve been talking to my imaginary friends since I was like 2. Feeling that door actively shut in my brain felt like I’d been given a terminal cancer diagnosis. It didn’t help that 2021 and 2022 were rough. My mother had some medical issues come up, my sister-in-law died suddenly, I lost multiple friends and my dog over the course of those years as well. And work only grew more and more stressful. Meanwhile, the world on fire and my creative well was gone and done.

But still, the stories persisted. It was like a slow drip in my brain - a faucet that wasn’t completely shut off and a reminder that the muse wasn’t all gone. Not yet. And I’d start and stop and start and stop all over again. Even now, with a new book finished and the next one in pretty solid draft form, I’m still like a kid who touched the burner on the stove. The rejections for this novel have started coming in, and I’d be lying if I said that the scabs that covered the last round haven’t been ripped right open. My therapist is about to really start earning her money.

Rejection sucks. It’s one reason so many of my friends who are so much more talented than I am won’t write for submission. And maybe I’m just a glutton for punishment. After all, I also wanted to be a dancer and an actor. All I ever wanted was, somehow, to tell stories.

So here I am, scribbling. That door in the first newsletter post, the one that kicked everything off … it’s long gone and replaced by one of the apartment buildings down in this neighborhood. But that image stays with me. The stories on a door, and the door we get to walk through. The burnout is beyond real. The terror lingers. I dream still in the rejections and wake up hoping that someone will believe in these stories. Because even through my anxiety, I believe in them.

Scribblers, I hope you write something this month. I hope you create something. Draw. Cook. Embroider. Do a puzzle. Learn to play a video game. Be creative. Because the world wants us tired and burned out. The world wants us feeling hopeless. But creativity is amazing. It is the light for us, when all other lights go out.

One event that I want to highlight is tomorrow, Tuesday, March 31st

​2nd Annual Trans Day of Visibility Community Celebration | 5-9 PM @ Utah Cultural Celebration Center, WVC. Presented by the Utah Trans+ Coalition and Project Rainbow Utah and hosted at the Utah Cultural Celebration Center. "This event is open to all ages, genders, families, and community members. There will be a Youth Zone with separate spaces for teens and small children. Workshops hosted by @slccovided , @greenwaveutah ,and @jazzycc99. Our vendors will be inclusive of local queer artists, queer-led resources, mutual aid resources, and Trans-owned food trucks w/ vouchers for @frymetothemoonslc, @citrusandbarley, and @babycakes.801. We are so excited to share space with you and celebrate our trans community with fun activities and tangible resources. Can’t wait to see you there!!"

So ... Where Can You Find me in April?

Well, April is actually pretty exciting!

Saturday, April 4th: First, if you don't have anything to do on a Saturday morning from 11:30-3:00, you can join me at Under the Umbrella's cafe for a game of Daggerheart! Learn how to create characters and head off through a one-shot. No experience needed.

Tuesday, April 7th: I am so happy to again be participating in the Utah Museum of Natural History's Dinos & Dice event. I'll be leading a group of players (and their flower dragons) through some chaos.

Saturday, April 18th, I will be presenting at the annual League of Utah Writers Pre-Quills Conference. This warmup to the big event (Quills) in August is a chance to connect to Utah's writing community. I'll be talking about how fanfiction can help us to better understand mythology. And yes, there might be (will absolutely be) some references to the X Files and Lord of the Rings. What of it?

Thursday, April 23rd I am back at Under the Umbrella, this time for a zine-making workshop. We'll be making Character Bibles using tools from TTRPG character creation systems. All supplies are provided and check out the website for more information when the event is posted.

SPONSORED AS ALWAYS BY: MY CATS Guest Sponsor this Month: Douglas the Best Boy This past month, my mom's cat, Douglas, took his wild self and skated right over the rainbow bridge. It was an accident that only he could have orchestrated. But he was a good boy. The bestest boy. And his doofy self is missed.